I’m not a thief. Really, I’m not. I’m just really good at getting people to give me stuff. How is it my fault that they immediately forget that it happened.
I see something I want and I ask for it, simple as that. This trick appalled my mother the first time I used it in public. There was this gumball machine filled with cheap plastic rings, and I wanted one. Being seven, I didn’t have any money, so I walked over to a nearby store and asked the clerk for a quarter.
He gave it to me right from the register.
My mother told me never to do it again, and I didn’t.
For a while.
Now, when I go to pay my rent, I get a receipt and then ask for the check back. I don’t do it every month, and sometimes I’ll ask for my cute neighbors check too if I see his name in the receipt book.
It keeps me being able to afford food and holding on to the receipt keeps me from being evicted.
Once, at the bank, I asked for an extra twenty when I was there cashing a check. She handed it to me but didn’t record it. I still see her there, so I know I didn’t get her fired.
I don’t know how it works and I’m not sure I care.
Sometimes, I’ll go to a clinic and ask for a sick note for work so I can get a paid day off. I’ve also asked for extensions on homework and free or discounted goods and services, if you catch my meaning.
It’s hard, but I try to keep myself grounded. Every now and then, I try to go a whole day without asking for anything. It makes me tired, but a good kind of tired.
I’ve never tried asking for something big before. I didn’t know it would work. How was I to know that they’d actually give me the nuclear launch codes?
Anyway. Can I leave and also me cleared of all charges, now?